Biker

I ride a motor cycle.
I was 71 when I first appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked me.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' I said.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, on my bike, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen'.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and stuffed it us his ass.
I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.
He sent me back to this cesspool.