Broke

When I say I'm broke, I'm broke! one for all the salesmen in the World ....
 I answered a knock on the door one day, to be confronted by a well-dressed young man

carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple

minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum

cleaners. ''Go away!'' I said to the fellow. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and I

proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and

pushed it wide open... ''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my

demonstration.'' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse shit onto my hallway carpet.Now

if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse shit from your carpet, Sir, I

will personally eat the remainder." I stepped back from him and said, "Well let me get you a

fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning.

party

Happy Birthday Jesus

Subject: Office Christmas Party
 ________________________________________

Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Billy Cole Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 1, 2011
RE: Gala Holiday Party



I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room
at the Galt House.


There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't
be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!


A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchanges of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets.


This gathering is only for employees!


Billy will make a special announcement at that time!


Merry Christmas to you and your family, Patty
***************************************


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Billy Cole Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2, 2011
RE: Gala Holiday Party


In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.


However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to
those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.


There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.


We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.


Happy now?


Happy Holidays to you and your family, Patty
********************************
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Billy Cole Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3, 2011
RE: Holiday Party


Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name..


I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed to handle this?


Somebody?


And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed
since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the
executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.


REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.


Patty
**************************
Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Cole Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 4, 2011
RE: Generic Holiday Party


What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours.


There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at
this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the
end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home
in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work?


Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms.


Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with Gay men, each group will have their own table.


Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks
that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns
about confusion in the restrooms. Sorry.


We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.


I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used
in the food .. The Grill House suggests that people with high blood
pressure taste a bite first.


There will be fresh "low sugar" fruits as dessert for diabetics, but
the restaurant cannot supply "no sugar" desserts. Sorry!


Did I miss anything?!?!?
Patty
**************************************


Company Memo
FROM: Patty Lewis, Billy Cole Resources Director
TO: All Fucking Employees
DATE: December 5, 2011
RE: The Fucking Holiday Party


I've had it with you vegetarian pricks!!! We're going to keep this
party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your fucking salad bar, including organic tomatoes.


But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice
them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW!


The rest of you fucking wierdos can kiss my damn ass. I hope you all have
a rotten holiday!


Drive drunk and die,


The Bitch from Hell!!!
***********************************
Company Memo
FROM: Billy Cole The ASSHOLE that owns this company 
DATE: December 6, 2011
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party


 I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I'll continue to
forward your cards to her at the asylum. And I am after you bastards that put her there.


In the meantime, I still own this Company and I have decided to have our Happy Birthday Jesus Party, I will open the party by praying to God and thanking Him for His Son  Jesus. And I don't give a shit if every one of you communist, freaks, queers, Jews Arabs and whatever you are quit. All I have to say on this matter is good fucking riddance to you and  go find a vampire lawyer and sue me. 




Happy Birthday Jesus!
Billy

Biker

I ride a motor cycle.
I was 71 when I first appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked me.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' I said.
'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, on my bike, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen'.
So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and stuffed it us his ass.
I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!
St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.
He sent me back to this cesspool.

Believe

A Birth Certificate shows that I were born. 
A Death Certificate will show when I died. 
Pictures show how I lived my life. 
Have a seat . Relax . . . 
And read this slowly.
..................................................................................................................................

I Believe...

That you should share this with  

all of the people that you believe in, I made this to be shared. 

I have never had the best of everything; 

I just made the most of everything I had.

Molly Chronicles -  Billy E. Cole

I Believe... 

That even when I think I have no more to give, 

When a friend cries out to me for help

that I will find the strength to help. 

I Believe... 

That credentials on my wall 

do not make me a decent human being.

Molly Chronicles -  West Virginia

I Believe....
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...
That my life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know me.

Molly Chronicles - Hazard Kentucky

I Believe.... 

That my background and circumstances 

may have influenced who I am, 

But, I am responsible for who I become. 

I Believe... 

That I shouldn't be so eager to find 

Out a secret. It could change my life Forever.

Molly Chronicles - At Home in Marion.

I Believe..... 

That it isn't always enough, 

to be forgiven by others. 

Sometimes, I have to learn to forgive myself. 

I Believe... 

That no matter how badly my heart is broken the world isn't going to stop because of my grief.

Molly Chronicles - The end of this road.
I believe that what I am is Gods gift to me.
I believe that what I can become, and the
example I set with my life is my gift to God.

Molly Chronicles -  The Outer Banks

I Believe...That just because two people argue, It doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, It doesn't mean they do love each other.

Molly Chronicles - The Battle of New Orleans

I Believe that it is taking me a long time to become the
person I want to be .
I believe that I should always leave loved ones with
loving words. It may be the last time I well ever see them. 

I Believe... 

That sometimes when I'm angry 

I have the right to be angry, 

But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. 

I Believe.... 

That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences I've had 

And what I've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays 

I've celebrated.

Molly Chronicles - Chattanooga Tenn

I Believe.... 

That sometimes the people I expect to kick me when I am down will be 

the ones to help me get back up.

Molly Chronicles -  On the French Broad River

I Believe... 

That either I control my attitude or it controls me.

I Believe... 

That heroes are the people who do what has to be done

when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

Molly Chronicles - Billy E. Cole, The Natchez Trace

I Believe...That I don't have to change friends if I understand that my friends change.